If you missed the 3rd Annual “Beauties with Brains: From Trials to Triumph” Empowerment Event this year…be sure to mark it on your calendars for next year! Indira Felder, is the Founder and CEO of the “Beauties with Brains” empire and spear headed the empowerment event this year. This event highlighted amazing women, from diverse backgrounds who have all over come many trials and shared their stories of triumph.
Iyanla Vanzant, was the A-list guest speaker and she TORE THE HOUSE DOWN! She spoke so powerfully and purposefully about how Black women can and should live purpose-filled and intentional lives. I got the chance to interview Ms.Vanzant, and thought it would be helpful to ask her about some topics we have been discussing in the Facebook group (if you haven’t join, be sure to do so!!!)
*Black Women’s Imperative, said that in 2018 “up to 20% of women develop a perinatal mental health illness, such as depression, anxiety, OCD or psychosis either during pregnancy or in the year after giving birth. For Black women, the risk is almost twice that. However few Black women get the necessary help to treat it.”
You pair this alarming statistic with the stigma of mental illness in the Black community, and the stigma that a new mom should only be basking in the new joys of motherhood and Black mothers are basically shamed into a painfully silent postpartum depression battle. Not to mention the up-keep of the “living your best life” mantra that social media requires. …Just has a baby and you’re under 30?...after 8 weeks its “snap-back season”…don’t forget to post a picture every holiday…give monthly updates to your various social media feeds so people know you’re a new mom and killing it!!! Often times it’s hard to communicate feelings of any kind when suffering from post-partum depression, and this task can be even more daunting when it’s our significant other we are trying to communicate with. Check out what Ms. Vanzant had to say in terms of managing post-partum depression and communication in your romantic relationship:
MMD: How do I communicate with my partner when I don’t know how I feel myself really? How do I communicate this in an effective way that isn’t hurting my partner?”
Iyanla: There is no way to tell your partner what you’re feeling, if you don’t know what you’re feeling...just say that! “I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, but what I need you to do is…”
All partnerships we’re so busy to complain or accuse that we don’t request. I want your [Millennial Mom’s] to learn how to make specific request: Behavior change request, Emotional Support request, Financial request. Make specific request.
This really resonated with me, because often times I can be a *points finger and rolls necks* “you never do A-B-C-and D” type person. So I’m like, dang, how often am I making direct request? Do I even know what I want to request? Listen, Sis, self-care ain’t always pretty okay? So I had to check myself after this interview with Ms.Vanzant, and maybe after listening to the full interview and reading this you have to check yourself too…and that’s perfectly okay. One of the major takeaways we as new moms can implement is an intentional shift in our verbiage: YOUR WORDS MATTER!! So before hitting the “you never do” track for the ump-teenth time, let’s try:
- What I need you to do this …
- What I’m asking you to do is…
- If you want to support me, what you can do is…
“You’re more likely to get what you need and want with a request than a complaint.”- Iyanla Vanzant
As a new mom, you may experiencing a multitude of thoughts and a range of emotions and it may not all make sense to you, but that does not take away its significance. Navigating your new life as a mother requires an infinite open-mind and unconditional grace with oneself. Your loved ones will value your honesty, and vulnerability and your overall mental well-being will Thank You for finally extending the same grace you extend to others, to yourself.
*The Black Women’s Health Imperative organization is a great resource for Black Women that strives to improve the mental health and wellness of Black Women and girls. To read the full article click this link: https://bwhi.org/2018/04/20/postpartum-depression-while-black/
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